


Anyone and Everyone Just Not Me

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, jealous! Tito
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Mat gets around. Tito knows this, he's known this for years, he's even known that there were some guys in the mix in juniors, but since he's been in the NHL, Mat's solely picked up girls. It's only when his brother suggests that their might be more than friendship between the two that Tito sees his crush for Mat fully exposed. But Mat isn't interested in guys, right? After finding out Mat's hooked up with a guy on a road trip, though, Tito realizes Mat's just not interested in him. He doesn't handle it in the best way either.





	Anyone and Everyone Just Not Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing this pairing and though I've written this trope before, I really like it. Timeline might be a little off since I'm not too familiar with NYI. I hope you enjoy!! These two are just so cute.

For as long as Tito has know Mat, he’s known about the women that come and go with each city that they were in. There were a few that stuck around for a little while, but none more than three months. They never actually had the conversation of what was going on. Back in Juniors nobody really thought twice about fooling around and even in the Q there were rumors about Mat. They’d circled around each other in the early years, occasionally tossed together by fate at international competitions. From what he’d heard Mat got around, and it wasn’t hard to see why. He was unfairly attractive as many others had pointed out when girls would unhesitatingly approach him out at restaurants or on the streets. From what Tito had witnessed, though, there was probably minimal truth for the exaggerated number of hookups that Mat supposedly had. It had been by accident that he’d found out that Mat wasn’t just interested in women. They’d had an off day during some junior tournament and a large group had gone out. Tito had stayed in the hotel trying to stave off a cold while Mat had waved them off and said he had something to do. It was by chance that Tito saw Mat with another guy coming out of the elevator. Their hands had been laced together in the false security of an empty floor and when Mat saw Tito, he jerked away. It had been clear though, why they had come up to Mat’s room. “I was just going to grab some ice,” Tito said as he scuttled away with the feeling that he’d distinctly done something wrong by witnessing Mat with the other man.

He had hated the way Mat looked at him uncertain, shyly even, when he came down of team dinner. “Come on, grab a plate,” Tito had said with a mouthful of mashed potatoes. He could see the tension melt away as Mat piled together a plate and took a seat at the end of the table. They didn’t talk about it after that and Tito wasn’t sure how many people knew that Mat went both ways, but after a while it because something in the back of Tito’s memory like the names of his old coaches’ kids, but then again he didn’t expect to be pulled back into Mat’s orbit when they were both drafted to the Islanders. 

They’d texted throughout the years and were friendly but maintaining a friendship across provinces was hard. They texted more though during and after the draft when it became clear that their relationship would extend beyond teammates on the Canadian junior team. So when he came to Long Island, Tito was familiar with the rumors. To be fair most of them got around a decent amount, himself included, but the rumor mill had it that Mat was picking up on a nightly basis. 

 

Tito felt jitters the first time he sat in the Islanders locker room before a game. He’d been called down, not for the first time, but the first time that he was set to play and he was nervous beyond belief. Even though Mat was the same age, he’d been here before and gave Tito a reassuring nod. Tito knew it was likely that he’d be sent back down, but he’d been welcomed by the vets nonetheless. Tavares had gone out of his way to welcome Tito and make sure he was settled in the hotel and for the first week he’d be shifted around to different homes and apartments for home cooked meals. He’d gone over to the Seidenbergs and had dinner around the table with the whole family and Mat; he could see why Mat had chosen to live with a family. It wasn’t as lonely as going back to the hotel room. 

“It’s good to see you again,” Mat had said as he showed Tito one of his favorite restaurants in the area. 

“It’s always nice to know someone on the team,” Tito said. 

“We have some good guys,” Mat said. They talked and caught up as if they had never not been on the same team. That was the thing with Mat, Tito realized, he was magnetic and could make you feel at ease quickly. That was a part of his charm, that’s probably why so many people were drawn to him. Tito saw it in action one night when they all went out before an optional practice day. They weren’t allowed to drink, but some of the veterans had ordered pitchers for the table and Tito and Mat took some. Nobody was going to tell either. Mat had left them temporarily to go to the bathroom and on his way back, some girl had intercepted him. Tito rolled his eyes when he saw her reach out to touch Mat’s forearm. Some of the vets snickered when they recognized the move watching as the space between their bodies disappeared. 

Mat returned in a few minutes. “Hey, is it okay if I head out early?” Mat asked, tilting his head towards the girl who was waiting for him just outside of the VIP section. 

“Coming home?” Seids asked.

“Probably not,” Mat said. It turns out the rumors weren’t completely false. 

 

Mat showed up to practice the next day no worse the wear aside from some bruises around his neck that weren’t there the day before. Ebs chuckled at him as if he’d never been caught in his younger days. If Mat was embarrassed, Tito couldn’t tell. 

 

Even though Tito was bounced around a lot, he and Mat kept in touch much better this time around. When Tito had a longer stint with the Islanders, Mat would occasionally spend the night in his hotel room, having fallen asleep while they were watching a movie. Before he knew it, Tito was falling into Mat’s orbit just like everyone else. He hadn’t realized how much until Francis asked him how his boyfriend was when they talked. 

“What the fuck?” Tito asked. 

“I mean, I thought you guys were dating, shit sorry,” Francis said. 

“What why?”

“Just forget it, okay?” Francis said. The thing was, though, he hadn’t been teasing. Tito knew when his brother was joking and he hadn’t been. 

“Why did you think that?” Tito asked.

“You just talk about him a lot, I thought it was a thing. Besides it’s not like you couldn’t be interested,” Francis said.  

“It’s not like that. We’re friends.”  
“Okay, Jesus, I said I was sorry,” Francis said. Tito wasn’t sure why he was even annoyed. It wasn’t like Francis was being mean or would be, it just wasn’t true. 

 

But once Francis had put that thought, it was all Tito could think about. Even the straightest guy would admit that Mat was handsome, but Tito hadn’t let himself think that way. Sure he’d had fun in juniors, even to the point where he knew he wasn’t straight anymore, but he also knew his position on the team. Mat had said they were good guys and from Tito’s experience they were, but Tito knew that if he tried something, if something went wrong, well, he had a lot to lose. 

Perhaps this crush, or whatever it was he was dealing with, would have gone away if Mat just stopped. But he kept inviting Tito to dinner, just the two of them. They went on  _ fucking _ helicopter rides alone, and it was clear after a few months it wasn’t going away. Tito had to keep reminding himself that these things didn’t even mean anything. To the best of his knowledge, Mat had only experimented or whatever in juniors. Tito hadn’t seen or heard of him hooking up with a guy any time he’d been called up. They were just two friends hanging out. Tito knew that if Sanger was here, he’d probably join them.

The helicopter ride prompted a text from Francis which Tito pointedly ignored. They were friends. That’s all they’d ever be.

 

The problem was Mat was still interested in men. That became self-evident on a road trip when Mat didn’t return after dinner to their shared room. “Hey, have you seen Mat?” Tito asked. 

“He’s with a friend,” Tavares said, “He’ll be back for breakfast.” Something soured in the pit of Tito’s stomach. John hadn’t gone into detail, but it was clear that whoever Mat was with wasn’t just a friend. For as much as he took great lengths to remind himself that he and Mat were just friends, the realization that Mat was hooking up cut at him.   
Tito wasn’t proud of what happened next. He looked at the latest photos on Instagram that Mat had been tagged in. He wasn’t sure why, but maybe if he could see who Mat was with, he could reason with himself. 

The photo that came up was a picture of Mat in a tight side hug with some young blond-haired frat boy. The caption was simple enough.

_ Nice to meet you _ . The picture was innocent enough, but from the way Mat was reciprocating it was clear that he was into this guy. Tito had witnessed him pose the same way with girls that he went home with and Tito knew that this was the guy that Mat was sleeping with. 

He didn’t get much that night as he kept waiting for the hotel door to open up and Mat to come back. He had tried to sneak in, holding the door so it wouldn’t slam and wake Tito up but Tito greeted him and startled Mat in the process. 

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be awake,” Mat said sheepishly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Tito said.

“You should at least try to get a few hours.”

And here’s where Tito knew he should shut up. He should have just rolled over and tried to fall asleep; he didn’t. Maybe if they had talked about it all those years ago they wouldn’t have had this problem. But that night, Tito had just gone to grab some ice and Mat had lead the guy to his hotel room. 

“Is that what you were doing at your  _ friend’s _ ?” Tito said. 

“What?”

“I mean, isn’t it time for you to grow up?” Tito asked. He hated the way that Mat’s face dropped and hated himself even more for being the cause of it.  

“What the fuck?” Mat asked. 

Tito should have just stopped talking but he didn’t, “You just sleep with anyone, right?”  _ Except me _ . 

“Fuck you,” Mat said, “I’ll go stay with Ebs. I’ll try not to  _ sleep  _ with him.” This time he didn’t even care that the door slammed shut. 

“Fuck,” Tito said as he slammed his hand against the mattress. 

The tension between the rookies was palpable. Tito was certain that Ebs and Tavares knew what had happened based on the disappointed looks that waited for him at breakfast. The vets circled up around Mat creating a barrier between the two of them. Tito was miserable the rest of the trip and he knew he probably deserved it. He missed his friend. Quine seemed to draw the short end of the stick among the vets to handle this mess with Tito. After all, he’d pretty much taken Tito under his wing. 

“You know the guys on the team are pretty progressive,” Alan said hesitantly over a plate of pasta that he’d cooked at his apartment. 

“I know.”

“And we wouldn’t allow any homophobia in our locker room or on our team,” he continued.

“It doesn’t make it easier. It’s not like he’ll even look at me like that, or at all,” Tito said blinking away tears of shame that burned. 

“What?” Alan blinked. 

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not sure now,” Alan replied looking at Tito strangely. “I was talking about how you’re being a homophobic dick about Mat hooking up with a guy, but now I think I’m wrong.”

Tito paled. He’d thought that his crush on Mat had been so obvious. He thought that was what Alan had meant, that the team would be okay if  _ he  _ came out as bisexual or whatever this thing was for Mat.

“It’s okay, Tito, shit, I don’t care, none of us care,” Alan tried to reassure him as he saw panic in the young rookies eyes. 

“I thought you knew,” Tito said, “I thought that’s what you were talking to me about.” 

Alan just shook his head, “I was talking about how you hurt Barzy. But, uh, this actually makes a lot more sense now.”

 

It took half a pint of Rocky Road to get Tito calmed down enough to actually talk about the situation. Alan had entered the conversation with assumptions, but the new revelation about Tito was causing him to reassess the situation. “So you’ve known about Mat?” Alan asked. 

“I kind of caught him in Juniors,” Tito said, “It was an accident and we never talked about it, but it was juniors, right, everyone fools around.”

Alan shrugged. 

“And that was fine, but ever since I came he just hooked up with girls, so I didn’t allow myself to think that it was a possibility anymore. Like, maybe it was a one time thing or maybe he was experimenting, I don’t know, but I thought it was just girls for him.

“And then it wasn’t. And he was hooking up with a guy and that was just… he’ll look at anyone but me. You know, Francis even knew before I did, I didn’t even dare to let myself think of him possibly liking guys, because…”

“It was a lot easier to think he wasn’t interested in your gender than that he wasn’t interested in you,” Alan filled in. 

“Kind of stupid, right?” Tito said as he ate another spoonful. “And now he just won’t look at me at all.”  
“He thinks it’s because of the guy,” Alan said.

“It’s not, I swear it’s not,” Tito said. 

“ _I_ know, _now_ , but you gotta admit, that’s how it looks from the outside.”  
“Fuck,” Tito said, “I don’t even know how to make this better.”

“Maybe you should tell him what you told me,” Alan said. 

“Like that will make it better,” Tito lamented.

“It certainly won’t make it worse.”

 

Their chemistry on the ice hadn’t suffered, but their relationship off the ice certainly had. Tito couldn’t help the stares that followed him in the locker room, encouraging him to pull Mat aside and talk. The vets, though, seemed to have taken pity on him, and Tito wondered if Alan had said something, at least something vague, to make them more sympathetic. 

“Hey, Tito, NHL18 in my room in five, okay?” Ebs said. Tito nodded, figuring he’d head over in a few and stay for at least a couple of games.

He headed towards Jordan’s room where Jordan was already waiting for him. “Fix this,” he said and half-shoved Tito inside. 

Mat was sitting on the bed, looking pretty miserable. Tito wasn’t ready for this. For the past couple of days, he’d rehearsed what he’d say and how he’d apologize, but now none of them seemed even passable. 

“What?” Mat said bitterly.

“I-I’m sorry,” Tito said. 

Mat just glared at him waiting for more.

“Who you sleep with is your business and as your friend, I should support you,” Tito said even though the words felt hollow.

“Who told you to say that?” Mat asked.

“Nobody,” Tito said.

“We both know that me sleeping around wasn’t the problem. It was who I was sleeping with,” Mat said.

“No, yes, I mean, fuck,” Tito said. Alan had been right, he needed to explain himself. “Okay, just listen you have to listen to the whole thing, okay? Do you remember in juniors, when you thought everyone was gone and you brought that guy?” Mat nodded.

“So I probably should have talked to you at the time about that, but everyone fucks around in juniors right, so it doesn’t actually mean anything. Or at least I didn’t put much weight to it. And then when I got here I just saw you with girls so I thought it was juniors thing or you were experimenting, I don’t know.

“But then Francis asked how my boyfriend was doing and he meant you, and I realized that we were doing a lot of the same things that boyfriends would, right? We shared rooms together on roadies, we’d grab dinner, work out together.”

“And you thought I was into you?” Mat scoffed. 

“No, but I hoped you were,” Tito said. “But I didn’t know if you were into guys or if that was an option, or whatever? And then you were out with that guy and it hurt, it hurt so much because you just wouldn’t look at  _ me _ . Not because I was a guy, but because I was me. And don’t get me wrong, you have every right to not like me, I don’t even like myself very much right now, but what I said was out of jealousy and that’s on me, it was never about you, I promise,” Tito said. There was a long pause as Mat processed what he’d been told.

“Did you ever wonder why none of them lasted?” Mat asked. “I was hung up on this guy from juniors.” Tito didn’t dare hope… it’s just Mat didn’t sound angry, he sounded hopeful. 

“You. Tito. It’s was always,” Mat said. “I had hoped, but I never saw you with anyone. I didn’t know that you were ever a possibility but I wanted it to be you.”

“And now?” Tito asked. “You said ‘I wanted it to be you.’”

Mat smiled, “I still want it to be you.” 

Tito almost sobbed as he hugged Mat tightly. “I’m so sorry,” he said as he buried his face in Mat’s shoulder. 

“It’s okay, it wasn’t cool, but I get it,” Mat said. 

“No it wasn’t, I’m so sorry I hurt you,” Tito said.

“I forgive you,”  Mat replied, gently pulling away and wiping at the tears on Tito’s face. He kissed him gently before pressing their foreheads together. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

Tito smiled, “Me too.”


End file.
